Let It Live On Paper
I think it was my dad who once told me - after a long phone call about all the myriad things I wanted to do with my life, the overwhelming feeling that I sinking in my own ideas and dreams, unable to pursue one and stick with it - that I should get it all “out of my head, and onto paper.”
Paper began to be my place to live out all of these ideas, put down all of the distracting thoughts, and be at peace with them living bound up safely in the pages of a notebook, instead of wreaking havoc on my attention and focus.
It’s simple really. When I know that a thought will live on, without the risk of losing it to the noise of my other thoughts, I can rest and keep pursuing what matters in the moment.
Now I have a collection of notebooks for pretty much everything that can be put on paper. One for prayers, one for memories, one for illustration ideas, one for planning, and one I carry around and put anything in at any time. They serve as a way to even out the kilter in my head and to create space for doing since I’m not caught up in thinking.
They also serve as a way to capture different seasons of life. When I’m in need of inspiration for a piece of art, I often flip through old notebooks in search of doodles (for some reason, the best compositions come when I’m doodling during sermons). Flipping through prayer journals serves as a snapshot of different times, and proves that faithfulness of God in revealing how He’s answered prayers and brought things full circle.
Probably one of my most precious possessions is a journal I kept from when I first started dating my husband, and filled until right before we were married. The first page is a draft of a letter I wrote him (and never gave him because I was so nervous). The last page is some homework we were given in our premarital counseling. While we were dating and engaged I would flip through and see how God provided as we worked through difficult topics, moments of fear and doubt, and learning each others’ more challenging traits. In a way, it served as a lifeline when things got tough - because I could look back and see our most beautiful moments, our closest ties, Seth’s strengths, and God’s hand. And, when I was anxious or had my feelings hurt, it was a place where I could let go of those things and give them to God - then see things with a clearer, more humble perspective.
My little collection of notebooks - too many to carry with me all the time, though I wish I could.
I occasionally rediscover the “Seth” journal and marvel at all of the little moments that have added up to our story, that have brought us to today. I reflect on the power of written words, their ability to simultaneously be then and now - to have served me in a moment, as well as translate to today and serve me in a new way.
I’ll never stop living my inward life out on paper. It only continues to help me in letting go, remind me of God’s faithfulness, and remembering how far He’s brought me.
My current collection is kept close at hand, near my favorite chair and stacked along with my Bible and pens.
